Manhunt for Impostor Pharmacist Continues

"Welcome to Target! How can I help you?" Impostor pharmacist still on the loose!

Known only by his street name, Rainbowcakes, authorities continue to search for the man known for opening and operating illegal pharmacies throughout the United States. He was last seen dispensing fake medication. Claiming to be an official Target pharmacist, he's bilked hundreds of people out of their medications and money.

"I'm diabetic. I need my insulin," Franklin McGee of Waikalokamikikikikikiloa, Hawaii said. "He dispensed chocolate covered macadamia nuts. They taste great, but my blood sugar is pretty high. Hopefully, the chocolate covered coffee he dispensed for my urinary tract infection will offset that."

Others were luckier. "I was supposed to get my prescription for my antidepressant filled. Instead I got chocolate. I felt good at first, but now I'm more depressed because I ate the chocolate and gained all this weight."

But the authorities are not sitting back and taking this likely. The Super Hunting Imposter Team, an international inter-agency task force, has been created to hunt down this criminal.



Leading up the team is Pharmaceutical Officer of the Outer Pacific is Chucky Medwattsington of the FBI. "That's right. I'm the POOP on duty," he told us. "I'm going to find Rainbowcakes and put his ass--"

I interrupted him to tell him that he couldn't use profanity in the eSnoozeletter.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I understand you're trying to uphold a wholesome image. I'm going to put him behind bars. Of course, the things people generally do to other people behind bars is not very wholesome. Listen, I won't go into detail, but when they say don't drop the soap, you better pucker up and not drop the soap."

The POOP also gave warning signs to watch out for when getting your prescriptions filled. Ask yourself the following questions:
1) Is your pharmacist wearing flip-flops?
2) Does his lab coat have chocolate on it?
3) Was his pharmacy degree prepared on construction paper with a crayon?
4) Does he have a degree from Box University rather than a pharmacy degree?
5) Do your medications taste like chocolate?

"This isn't funny," Chief Inspector Medwattsington told us. "It's not funny at all. Pharmacists everywhere work to gain the public's respect and trust. Though he may appear to work with all major insurance carriers, he's a fake. A phony. And it's not funny. How would he feel if I went and made fun of confectioners?"

The investigation continues.

"We'll bring him to justice," Medwattsington concluded with a sly grin. "Nobody makes fun of pharmacists and gets away with it. Nobody."

Lucas Announces New Star Wars Film!

Breaking news out of California today that George Lucas has announced that he will make a 7th Star Wars film with a new character who is the cousin of Jaba the Hut. His name is Mooka the Tub and his explosive personality is evident in this recent photo. We'll look forward to this new film slated for release in late 2007.

Gay Couple Wants To Go Public

For years the gay couple pictured here have kept their identity secret but now they want to bare all for eSnooze. Dr. Jambarto Beastus and his longtime soul mate Hartford Scneinman have come out of the closet, and it was quite a large closet at that. The two emerged this week saying that it was really getting stuffy and quite rank in there after 30 some odd years and "it feels great to be out". We at the eSnooze wish them all the best.

Air Force Releases First Picture of Alien

The U. S. Air Force released a photo today of an alien life form that was found recently in New Jersey. Air Force officials stand behind the accuracy of the photo and claim that this alien creature is existing in a hidden location guarded by the military. The most distinct characteristic of this creature is its inability to stop talking in its strange foreign tongue. Since it's capture in 2001, the creature has never stopped talking even for a minute, which has led to the nickname "motor mouth". The creature can endlessly consume food without ever experiencing any weight change. We are hopeful that the Air Force will release additional photos and other details soon and we will be the first to bring them to you.

Picture of The Week

See if you can identify who the picture of the week is and win a free trip to Chechnia. The winner will travel by Merchant Marine ship to an industrial port 300 miles from Chechnia and then travel on a dirt and gravel road in a cargo vehicle to Chechnia where all accommodations are provided excluding meals and lodging. You will then be welcome to stay at your leisure until you can find return passage.
All entries are due by midnite of 9-16-06. Goodluck!

esnooze Hosts First Annual Burp-a-Que!

To kick off the new esnooze blog, Spy-Co International threw a party for the crew. Pictured from left to right are: Durvon Gluman, production assistant, Marnie Cockler, ploymaster, Moolon Fleedler, team captain, and Toddy "Cornman" Brank, spoon ideler. We all had a great time and hope we can make this an annual event that all of you can attend next year.

Violet Files for Divorce!

News out of Denver, Colorado today that Violet has become fed up with her husband Monstero. According to Violet, "he's gone off the deep end, I just can't take it anymore!". Monstero ran off to Orange , CA last month claiming he was going to college but he was spotted yesterday demonstrating for various radical causes. It is unclear at this point if reconciliation is possible. We'll keep you updated on this breaking story.

Tall Guy With Very Short Legs

A very tall man with possibly the worlds shortest legs was discovered in a remote region of Hu Shang Province. His family claims that he has had this abnormality ever since childhood when he used to do continual chinups from a very high chinup bar and then jump to the ground. The theory being that he gradually compressed his legs from this activity. The family has considered trying to stretch the legs back out, but doctors warn that the end result might lengthen the entire body. He has managed though to set the world record for the longest quarter mile sprint time coming in at just under 4 hours and 23 minutes.

Man Builds Habitat Home

News out of St. Louis, Mo. today tells the story of a man who is single handedly building a Habitat for Humanity home. The entrepreneur, Alden Randolph III has been constructing the home by himself since 1997. At this point he has a roof overhead and exterior walls. He hopes to have the heating system installed by this winter, and then a working kitchen will be the next order of business. Randolph hopes to have the home totally finished by the spring of 2012.

Worlds Best Looking Man Revealed!

After years of searching, GQ Magazine has named Peter Christopher as the worlds best looking man. Christopher competed against the likes of Brad Pitt and Matthew McCoungahy to name a few. His modeling and broadcast career
have of late given way to ringside announcing at world boxing matches. Congratulations!

Pinky Winky Makes rare Appearance!

The brother of the man who stars in the famous Six Flags commercials has made a rare appearance in Albuquerque, New Mexico. This photo was taken as he danced around the Sunport parking lot. Known for clever antics such as the spoon dance and detailed head paintings, Pinky is rarely seen in public. We'll certainly post further sightings as they occur.

Monstero Goes to College

Young Monstero, originally of Kona, Hawaii has enrolled at Chapman University in Orange, CA. After completing high school in Greenwood Village, CO, he was admitted to Chapman on a full scholarship which includes tuition, room and board. We all wish him the best in his studies and hope he "stays out of trouble".

Hurrican Charlene

The fifth named tropical storm of the season, Huricane Charlene has moved across metro Denver, CO reaking havoc on a local Sam's Club. weather experts hope the storm will diminish before doing further damage.

SEC Investigates Jeff Tinkler

The Securities and Exchange Commission announced on Friday that they were beginning an immediate investigation into the activities of Jeffrey Tinkler of Livingston, N.J. Tinkler is accused of acting as a stockbroker without the proper license. He has misled numerous investors and may face penalties that would revoke his Jeep Cherokee and force his wife to get a small dog to live at their suburban home. More news is expected aftre labor day.